In the first week of February this year, I had a bout of migraine attacks which left me crippled, whining, crying, curled up in a fetal position. There was nothing to do other than wait the attacks out. And try to prevent them from occurring again.
What did my migraines teach me? That I was completely stressed out – and it was my own doing. Late November, I decided on my goals for 2015, and I started diving myself mercilessly towards them. After about 2 months of striving towards those goals ,day in and day out, And I was so tired. Add the inevitable wrenches life throws in the way – sickness in the family, discontent at work and the house breaking apart – I was so tired.
And when I needed a break, or took a break, I just goofed off and I just got mentally more stressed. And the more stressed I got, the lesser I was working towards these goals. And in this vicious cycle, my sanity saving exercise habit – cycling / climbing / yoga took a hit. And my grounding habit of photography too, took a hit. And the situation imploded.
The upside of this is it once again put into perspective what is important for me. The goals are important yes, but not that important. The side projects, the self improvement projects are important yes, but not really that important.
What is most important? To sit with the afternoon sun on my back and drowse with my cat for a few minutes. To get up and luxuriously yawn and stretch and laugh. To just curl up with a book and read. And to just lie in bed and contemplate the horrible and funny popcorn ceiling in my house. To spend time with friends and family – talking, laughing and not fret that I’m wasting time.
The side projects and the career improvements and the self improvements are important but not more important than these. And I realized that it’s ok if I’m a serial quitter. It’s ok if I end up not doing anything worthwhile at all in my life, if I just start things, if all these projects I set out on are just beginnings with no endings. It is all ok.
And this is the great thing about sickness. It just reframes the whole entire world, and gives me just the perspective I need to lead a fulfilling life, my way.
March 04, 2015